“Then he said to me, “Do not fear, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand, and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard; and I have come because of your words.” (Daniel 10:12)
From this we learn that when we set our hearts to know the ways of God and when we humble ourselves before Him, we can be sure that He will hear and He will answer our prayers…even when there is a delay. When we have prayed sincerely from our hearts and we are looking for God to work mightily in our lives, we need to understand there is a battle that takes place in the spiritual realm. But even though we feel like we are in darkness and things are getting worse and worse, we need to continue to seek and listen and wait on the Lord until we know there is a breakthrough…and Friends, your breakthrough may take even longer than Daniel’s did. Let me share my experience with you….
Personal Testimony: It was toward the end of 2006 that I too had begun to seek the Lord. As is my custom, toward the end of each year I begin to seek the Lord for goals that I want to reach for in the coming year. I know that spiritual growth is a must for my life and I need to be constantly going forward in my walk with the Lord. I am extremely uncomfortable sitting still spiritually. But that year I had an unusual prayer and began about December to seek the Lord for this goal. I prayed the most dangerous prayer I have ever prayed in my life…I asked the Lord to teach me obedience. I wanted to learn to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit and I wanted to learn to act immediately when I heard Him…I wanted to obey as Jesus said He too was obedient to God the Father. “Then Jesus answered and said to them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner.” (John 5:19) I thought if Jesus was totally obedient to the Father…then I should learn to be too…so began the new year of 2007.
I was teaching a Sunday School class at that time, and I remember once telling that class that I was going through the most difficult time in my life spiritually speaking. After praying this prayer, I was suddenly plunged into a spiritual battle that continued for about the next 4 years. I encountered challenge after challenge to my faithfulness to God and to my obedience to His commands. I felt like I was being beaten up and would come home from work and go straight to my bed and cry and cry. It was a huge battle! During this time, the Holy Spirit put a heavy prayer burden on my heart for a particular person that I knew. Actually I didn’t even know him very well, but I absolutely had to pray for this person’s salvation. And what made it even worse was that it seemed the heavier the prayer burden was on my heart, the meaner and ruder this person was to me. It was a horrible time! I would beg God to please let me stop praying for this person, and I remember hearing the Holy Spirit telling me, “If you don’t pray for him, there is no one else in his life who will.” I HAD to pray! And this went on for 3 years!
It felt like I could do nothing…all I could do was cry and pray…but I was hearing the Holy Spirit in the tiniest details of my life as He was leading and directing me. What I didn’t know at the time, the pain that I was experiencing was the dying of “Self” as I learned to listen, obey and allow Him to take control of things that I was very used to controlling myself. This lesson continued for 2 years.
Then, in January of 2009, I was in a wonderful worship service on a Sunday morning, and I was singing unto the Lord with all my heart. The song was a deeply worshipful song entitled “Surrender” by Marc James. I found myself weeping before the Lord and crying out to Him, “I surrender Lord”…and I meant it with all my heart. I knew the Lord was dealing with me about an issue that would be my spiritual growth goal for that year.
When I finally was able to get out to the car after the service, I began to pray, “Lord, I thought I already did that a long time ago”, but I knew in my heart of hearts that I did not yet know anything about the topic of surrender…but I also knew I was about to learn.
Yes, as you can guess I learned a lot in the next year. What I learned was that my plan is not God’s plan, and it was His plan that mattered. I learned that I needed to let a lot of things in my own life die. I had to let my hopes die, my dreams die, and any plans I might have had for my future…I had to let it all go. It meant in reality that I had to die. Those scriptures about dying to ourselves began to take on a new meaning that I had never understood before, and certainly never knew how to live them out in my life. One of my favorite verses became John 12:24 where Jesus said, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain.” If we really want to be used of God, then everything we ever lived for has to die. That is why He could say that we must pick up our cross daily and follow Him.
I had read a wonderful book by the wife of a popular pastor, and in the book she talked about this amazing mission the Lord had called her to working with the orphaned children of AIDS victims in a faraway land. She described how her grown daughter had been disappointed and unhappy with her because her daughter had envisioned her mom being the kind of grandmother that would be there and spend lots of time babysitting and fulfilling the role that her daughter had planned for her as the grandmother of her child. Needless to say, the calling of God on this woman’s life did not allow her to be the kind of grandmother that her daughter expected of her. We need to know that we must even surrender the expectations of others in our lives as we are learning to surrender completely to the Lord.
I remember the day the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart about moving away to another city…away from my grandchildren that I had been with almost since their birth. It felt like God was actually ripping my heart out as I surrendered my love for them and my desire to be near them to the Lord. I had to give them up…I had to surrender them to God. And as it turned out, the Lord did not actually require me to move, but He knew that was a part of my life and my desires that I had to give up. Actually, I have heard the Holy Spirit challenge me in a number of things that my heart wanted to cling to, or didn’t want any part of, and I would hear His quiet, still voice say, “But I thought you told Me you would do anything for Me” as I found myself humbling before the Lord yet again in total surrender.
It has been a huge challenge, and still is at times. I sometimes find times when I set my heart to doing something and I don’t find the funds or opportunity to do what I desired, and it hurts to have to lay that desire down and trust that the Lord has my best interest at heart. But in reality, I know He does. Surrender…it means having no plans…no hopes…no dreams of your own, but to be perfectly willing to pick up whatever desire that the Lord gives you and any time He desires. It’s hard to do that…but do you know what I have found out? If I will give up my will for His will and my dreams for His dreams, it will free His hand to lead me to some of the most amazing things I could ever imagine. I have learned that His plans are more amazing than anything I could ever dream of and I am so happy and so blessed to follow Jesus wherever He leads.
Then, in January 2010, I was getting ready to go on my “first of the year alone time with God” trip, and the night before I was to leave, I had begun already to seek the Lord for New Year goals and plans. I already knew what I was going to be seeking Him about during my trip, and it was an answer I really needed regarding a huge question in my heart. I knew I was at a crossroad in my life and I had to make a decision...it was now or never…and I needed an answer NOW!
I was skimming over “The Prayer of Jabez” (By Bruce Wilkinson) once again that night, and I ran across a sentence…actually it was a quote. In the book, he was explaining that he was had been seeking the counsel of a Bible teacher named John Mitchell. The quote went like this, “Son, that feeling you are running from is called dependence. It means you are walking with the Lord Jesus. Actually, the second you’re not feeling dependent is the second you’ve backed away from truly living by faith.” That quote spoke volumes to me right at that second…and I knew in my heart what my BIG lesson for 2010 would be…DEPENDENCE! And…oh yes…it was!
Here is how I shared that initial experience in my book, Becoming a Relevant Christian. “I was sitting in my car at the shores of the Gulf of Mexico this very cold and windy day in January 2010…I was there for a reason. I desperately need an answer. What I was contemplating would change the direction of my life and it was a “sink or swim” type situation. I was asking God for permission to retire from my job. I knew I had been unemployed before and I knew that if I went this way, God had to go with me. I did not want to do this on my own…I needed an answer from God.”
But I came away that day with a new perspective and an “almost” made up mind to take a huge step of faith. I only needed one more thing; I needed for the Lord to give me confirmation that this was the right thing for me to do. The very next day, God even gave me that. When I sat my son down to explain to him what I was thinking about doing, the very first words out of his mouth were, “Yes Mom, I think you should do it.” I was shocked, I was happy, I was petrified! But I believed in my heart that I had the answer I needed so the following Monday, I turned in my resignation letter at work, and I have never regretted it and I have never looked back.
Now, I will tell you, it’s been almost 7 years since I made that decision, and I won’t pretend that everything has been easy. My income was cut drastically and there are some things I can’t do any more…but I have learned that I don’t need nearly as much as I thought I needed and I get to do a whole lot more of the things I love…I get to touch lives in the Name of Jesus every day as much as I want…and THAT has meant all the world to me.
So the simple prayer (I thought) that I prayed in 2006 for the Lord to teach me obedience has led me down this path that I never imagined and He has opened doors that only He could open with ministry that has touched lives in many places all over the world. What I really wanted to do with my life was to make a difference for the Kingdom of God…but He has allowed me to do so much more…and the real excitement is that I believe I am really just getting started.
I shared all that to say this; if you will learn the lessons of Obedience, Surrender and Dependence, you will find that God has great things in store for your life. My motto these days is this, “If You will tell me where to go Lord, and I will just show up.” He will do much more than you ever dreamed when you surrender, obey and trust Him to make the right choices for your life...and commit now to OBEY...no matter what!
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