One of the most powerful words in the English Language is the word no! Think about it…how many times has someone asked you to do something that you really felt uncomfortable doing, but you just said yes because you didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings? How many times have you made a commitment just to fit in and then regretted it? AND…was there ever a time when someone used you or took advantage of your kind heart, just because they knew you would let them?
Friend, you are not obligated to do everything someone else thinks you should. You have a life too, and you have every right to determine what you want to do with it. You don’t “owe” anybody anything unless you agree to it, and there are people out there who are manipulative and they will use guilt or your sense of obligation just to get you to do whatever it is that they want you to do.
Well, this is the year to stop it! This is the year to stop feeling guilty about not fulfilling other people’s expectations, this is the year to stop trying to please everyone in your life. This is the year when you are going to take back your life and do those things which are right and good for you! And Friend…THIS is the year to stop enabling others in your life.
Now let me just make myself clear here…this does not mean that you should stop doing nice things for people and helping others whenever you feel like it’s the right thing to do, but it’s YOUR choice when you do it, and the REASON you do it is because it pleases God and it pleases you.
There’s a book that I read many years ago entitled “Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life”, written by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. I read an earlier edition of this book and it truly made a difference in my life. I will leave a link to purchase it on Amazon in the description because I highly recommend it.[
Let me warn you that if you are used to doing whatever you are asked, or you have always been a people pleaser, it will feel harsh to start saying no to the people in your life. But everyone needs to establish healthy boundaries in their lives. It will help you to stop taking on the responsibilities of others, it will help you to enjoy your own life and to use your time more wisely.
Let me give you an example from my own life before I learned that it was okay to say no and not to be the one that people knew they could take advantage of.
Many years ago, I was working in a job that I really loved. I was the secretary of the CEO and in that position, it was really easy for my boss to take advantage of my personal time…and I was quite happy to let him do it.
I was always the first person into the office in the morning, the last person to leave at night and I would take work home with me and work on it until 12 or 1 o’clock in the morning. I just wanted to please my boss, and needless to say, the boss learned that if he complimented me and made me feel important, he could give me almost any responsibility, and I would do everything in my power to take care of it. That sometimes led me to allow him to put unrealistic expectations and time limits on me.
But needless to say, my personal life was suffering greatly. I wasn’t giving the time to my family and friends that I should have, and I learned that the more responsibility you take on, the more they will expect of you. It was VERY important for me to learn how to say no.
After that job, I learned to keep a separation between my work life and my personal life and how to give both the attention they deserved. I always made sure I was an excellent employee while I was at work, and I seldom took care of personal things on company time, and I also seldom took care of work duties during my personal time. I always got great reviews but I also didn’t feel like I was being taken advantage of.
I’m sure you can think of friends or family members in your own life that sometimes make you feel like you owe something to them, or that their happiness is somehow your responsibility. Well the Bible is full of examples of setting healthy boundaries while still loving others, and I can tell you that learning to live with boundaries will help you to be able to say no without feeling guilty about it and to say yes without regretting it. You make those decisions without guilt or shame, and realize that just because someone expects it, does not mean that you are responsible.
I
always say, “Just because somebody else drops the ball does not mean that I
have to pick it up.” Boundaries are good and necessary for a mentally and emotionally healthy life. Your job is to please God alone, and He
wants you to set healthy boundaries in your life. Let me encourage you to learn
how to be able to say no and feel good about the boundaries you have set.
Here is the link to purchase a copy of the book "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life"
https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Updated-Expanded-When-Control/dp/0310351804/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
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